The ex managed to get the webcast up, and she says the score is currently 41 to 17 in ORSU's favor. My text response was Noooooooooooooo. And I still can't get the site up. Fiddlesticks.

Webcasts and disappointment.

I am attempting to watch the Philly game against ORSU in Florida, but the webcast is refusing to work for me. This is NOT ON, usarugby.org! I am hoping it is because the website was not prepared for the popularity of the webcasting, instead of some problem with my computer. I'm pretty sure this is not just wishful thinking, too, since I can get the website's outer frame loaded but not the main frame.

This means I'm waiting for one of my teammates to text me with the results. I exacted a promise from ER to do so - a backup plan in case the webcasting failed, which I'm glad I set up - and she usually remembers these things.

I haven't updated in a little while, which is silly, especially considering that there's been some news. PWRFC traveled to Austin, Texas two weeks ago to participate in Sweet 16s, which is fairly normal for the team. I tagged along, although I was pretty sure I wouldn't get the opportunity to play, and I had a really good time watching and hanging out with my teammates.

And I got to see this in person:

Which you've probably seen on Saturday's A Rugby Day and Put Me In, Coach, but I can't help myself.

We won our game against Chicago North Shore, and continued on to the Elite 8s for the first time in a while. One of our long-term goals, I think, is to start actually playing up to our potential, and we started to do so that weekend. Our game against Berkeley was disappointing in some ways - I think we could have done even better than we did with some minor things taken into account - but the score was still respectable, and I was so proud of Philly for how they played. It was wonderful, even just to watch.

My ex plays for ORSU, and woke up this morning at 6:30 to watch the webcast of the ORSU/Philly game. She just texted me to say I am quite annoyed with usarugby this morning. Think they'll make the match available for downloading? Looks like it wasn't just my computer. And looks like I wasn't the most inconvenienced person, by a long shot. I do hope they'll make the match available, and maybe this will help send the message that women's rugby is a lot more popular than people realize.

There's not much else to report. I'm glad that the season's over for me; I need to rest for a week and take it easy, get my knee back up to speed and this cough out of my system. I'm spending this weekend in NYC with my friend V; I plan on lounging on the couch, eating her food. Don't you wish you could have me as a houseguest?

I'm that girl.

(Click on the image for a slightly bigger version.)

I didn't write the caption, Goff did. But yes, that's how I feel when they come running at me during practice. Wouldn't you?

I'm at sweet 16s in sunny (but slightly cold) Austin, Texas with PWRFC. We're getting ready for our first game against Chicago, and everyone's seems to be amped up for a great game. Here we come!

Managing stress, being a cracker, and not being broken.

I woke up this morning at eight, cleaned some of my apartment - swept, picked up, but didn't vacuum or mop - organized my assignments, read over a friend's poetry so that I could give her feedback, read a chapter in The White Image in the Black Mind, and realized that I need to cut back on my commitments.

Not that I'm quitting rugby. Heaven forfend I ever not have a hobby while I'm in grad school; I'm pretty sure I would go stark raving mad inside of a week. But I am going to stop taking on projects for the moment. I have two conference applications to finish, a poetry chapbook and a fictional piece I've agreed to read over, letters to write to pen pals, three papers due next week, and a full slate of reading to finish. I need to get better at saying no.

As recovering alcoholics are fond of saying: one day at a time. My vow today is to refuse to take on anything else. I know, you don't believe me. But I think I can do it!

One of the reasons why I've taken on so much is that I feel a lot more capable this semester than I did the last. A lot of this has to do with what I went through this summer, which was long and arduous and tremendously good for me. Some of it has to do with what I'm taking this semester, too; there's nothing like a slate of good, interesting classes to make me feel like taking on the world.

One of my courses is a women's studies class that's almost too intense. Women's studies classes in general have an unfortunate tendency to devolve into identity politicking, and this class is constantly on the brink of doing so. I clashed a little with the professor at one point, where she seemed to make a joke at my expense, but I actually like her quite a lot as a teacher. The class has been really wonderful for the way that I think about identity.

The other night, a young man walking with his friends said, "hey baby," to me as I was walking by. I was zoned out, thinking about the concert I was going to, and didn't even register that he was speaking to me. He followed up with "what, you're too racist to notice a colored boy?" Which snapped me out of my thought process, though I didn't turn around. "Cracker whore," he said, and his friends laughed. Fascinating on several levels:
- I've never been a "cracker" before. I always associate this with the southern United States - am I the only one? - and I had been called a honky, whitey, white girl, and white devil before, but never cracker.
- There's something really poetic about "cracker whore." Is it odd that I noticed that? Probably, but it is pretty cool-sounding. Try it! Freak out your coworkers!
- More intellectually, I found myself thinking about the way that we use our oppressions against one another. For example, there's a queer white man in my women's studies class who resents one of the straight black women (who, to be honest, is a little strident), and who claims that we are ignoring issues of queerness. The young man who was calling after me used the power differential of whiteness to blackness as a means of reasserting the power differential of maleness to femaleness. It's transparent -- that is, it seems incredibly obvious to me now -- but I hadn't quite conceptualized it before. It's with revelations like these that I realize I'm very lucky to be in grad school. Beyond the personal level, this is something I can bring to my academic work.

To make a left turn away from all that thinky stuff, we're supposed to be taking care of ourselves in preparation for nationals. I have been taking my iron pills, taping my weak joints, and generally trying to avoid looking like a horse ready for the glue factory. One thing that's hobbling me in this effort: I keep falling on my damn elbow.

I iced it last night, and tried to rub out the crunchiness (owwww), but I don't think there's much to be done for it. Ugh. My knee is slowly feeling better, though, and I think my bronchitis is finally on the way out. God, I sound like a bucket of parts, don't I? Oh well.

Marfu results and geeking out.

This past weekend PWRFC traveled up to Washington, D.C., and played NOVA on their field by the D.C. airport. I kind of liked being underneath the airplanes as they took off - it made me think of all those times I've been in an airplane, looking down at the people scurrying around underneath the plane - but it did create several Wayne's World moments for our coaches. Philly was really, really amped for our game against the Piranhas, and I think it showed both in the intensity of the senior side's play and in the slight problem with ball handling in warm-ups and early in the game. I was incredibly nervous, even though I wasn't playing, and I spent a little more time than I would like to admit with my hands over my eyes, watching through my fingers.

Philly won, though, and now PWRFC is number one in MARFU. I'm so happy about that, I can't even get into it, and I know I'm not the most excited person on the team. I think PWRFC is really showing the possibilities we have as a club this year. It's great to be around for it.

The developmental side did a great job during their game with the Furies' B-side as well. I actually had a really great time during the game, and I did more things right (read: two? maybe three?) than I normally do. My work rate wasn't as high as I wanted it to be, and I need to work on poaching the ball a lot more, but overall I'm not disappointed. I even spotted a gap in the line once. Granted, I didn't pass the ball when I should have, but it's all about the baby steps. I can't remember the score of either game, unfortunately, but they should eventually go up on the PWRFC Website.

Speaking of being way too into rugby, I've been watching a lot of youtube lately. One of my favorites - recently mentioned by Blondie, coincidentally enough - is Sebastien Chabal, who is nicknamed "The Mountain Man." I've never actually followed rugby internationally (never been that serious about it), but I have to admit that I've turned into a fangirl. His tackles! His creepy beard! The fact that he's four hundred and seventy-two feet taller than everyone else on earth! I love it. (That first linked video is a great example of a tackler pinning the ball carrier's body to the ground.) There's also Takudzwa Ngwenya's great try against South Africa that Setanta has been using as part of a promo. (Blurry video, but it gives a better idea of what the phases were like. Ngwenya and Habana talk about it in this article.)

Philly has games against Keystone (senior side) and Southern New York (developmental side) this coming weekend. I have two papers due the week following, which should make me pretty distracted, but I'm still excited to watch and play. Overall I think this season has been a good one for me, although it started off a little rocky.

I would write more, but I'm late for yet another meeting.

[edit: Thanks to PH for reminding me that NOVA is the Piranhas, not the Furies. Whoops! In other news, it turns out that "piranha" is one of those words that I really, really can't spell correctly without resorting to spell check.]

you know its armor was human.

I was planning on going to a hardcore show today, but woke up this morning feeling as though an entire rugby team had walked over me. Said feeling is not conducive to moshing, and a hardcore show is no fun unless you're in the pit, so I'm staying home instead. I'm a little peeved; Madball is one of the bands, and I was looking forward to seeing them live.

PWRFC played against the Furies yesterday. The senior side game started off badly for Philly, with a lot of handling errors. AM tackled a player instead of diving on the ball. Although it was the first penalty of the game, penalty try was awarded. EH was even sent to the sin bin for playing AM's normal position. After that, though, Philly rallied and managed to win the game. It was a nearer thing than we (or our coach) would have liked, though, and I have the feeling that this week's practices are going to be tough.

Personally - because of course there has to be a self-absorbed paragraph, this is a blog - I was pretty proud of myself for one walking ruck. I have really sucked at them in practice, but this time I managed to get relatively low, feed the ball back, and continue driving. (On a related note, I think we did a really nice job with support during that game - I knew I had people behind me, and that they were in a position to ruck.) One of the things I want to work on for future games is decision-making. For example, I tended to hold onto the ball during this game, when I could have passed and continued our movement forward. I still have a problem with making decisions about going into a ruck or staying out; hovering at the back of a ruck, as Coach has screamed at me during games, does nothing to help anyone. My usual issues with clear communication continue; I really want to become more like JS, who I can always hear and understand on the field. Oh, and I really, really suck at running lines. I still have a horrible fear of coming in between the scrum half and the back line, and tend to hesitate too long. Generally, though, for someone with a cold who hadn't slept at all the night before, I played all right.

The developmental side ended up losing, but there were some really strong performances. Handling errors were again a problem, but the backs had fantastic continuity, and the forwards were playing as a pack the entire time. I told ES that she did a really good job of leading the pack in small ways. I know she was a little frustrated with the game, but I think our forwards have done well with playing together. KP said in practice that everyone needs to stop relying on a small group of people to be the runners on the team, and I think you could see the forwards on the developmental side beginning to respond to that. In developmental side games this season thus far, I've also been able to see (and experience, obviously) developmental players taking the lessons from the senior side and putting them to use. It's impressive.

The Furies games also marked the triumphant return of Winger, and the posting of decorative signs in honor of SW's 30th 21st birthday.

I feel as though I've lost the knack of blogging. I haven't updated in so long! (It was a tumultuous summer for me, which isn't much of an excuse, but it'll have to do.) I actually taught a course on blogging to teenagers this summer, for the Temple Writing Academy. It was a wonderful experience, and I plan on doing something with them next summer, but it made me incredibly self-conscious about my public writing style.

You got to move it, move it.

Ghetto Feminism, by Amber Dawn, is a really fantastic article on sex workers and feminism.

I've been listening to a lot of Cat Power lately, which I normally only break out around fall (her music is incredibly autumnal). Two of her CDs are among the five I haven't packed yet, though, and I cannot express how much I am not in the mood for Rancid, Wilco, or Kenny Chesney.

It's been kind of fun, packing. It gives me an excuse to throw things out. Normally, when I clean, I think about throwing things out, but then I convince myself that one day I'm going to want to know something about electrical engineering, or I'm going to use that fabric to make a hat, or that I might somehow run out of shampoo, and will need a half-empty bottle of Suave raspberry-scented shampoo. Now, though, there's an excuse. I couldn't possibly move a half-empty bottle of Suave! Into the bin it goes. I have a lot of romance novels to get rid of, which is a pain. I may have to wheedle my mother into driving me to a thrift store; I dislike leaving books on the curb. To quote a (admittedly much younger) me, "what if they get cold?"

Some other observations from my life as a packing madwoman: I own six dictionaries, for some reason. I really do not have a great deal of furniture (I'm only moving a desk, a bureau, and a bookshelf), but I have ten boxes worth of printed material, holy hell. At some point, at one of my roommates' parties, my scrum cap was apparently tossed behind the rabbit's cage.

I am pleased to be leaving, though. I'm looking forward to living by myself, though I will doubtless find new things to loathe there. Such is (my) life.

The rugby season approaches full steam. I was telling Leslee all of the news I knew on the phone, and she started giggling halfway through. She doesn't know any of the names, so it comes across as a litany of random names and events and injuries; it doesn't help that I'm teaching teenage girls, and have picked up some of their phrases. I genuinely told my mother that she was "trippin'" the other day.

I'm not playing in Saranac - Family Values Tour volunteers, what what - and I'm sure I'll be super-sad when I hear what shenanigans I missed this year. Enjoy yourselves, you reprobates.

Sisyphus says:

Does this make you want to travel to Paris? The Regional Tourism Committee of Paris Ile-de-France is betting that it'll make Londoners want to do so. (Click on Ad Option 01, the kissing rugby players.)

I've been having a pretty good time teaching at the Temple Writing Academy this summer. My students range in age between 14 and 17, with various degrees of knowledge and writing talent. All of them have a lot of interest, though, and during this two week session I've grown quite attached to them. I have a brand new crop for the next two weeks, and my success from the last session will be put to the test.

My mother is working on a curriculum that she can continue to use throughout the school year, which I find pretty exciting. It's based on the intersection between poetry and grammar, and the rationale behind it is that her students are more likely to learn grammar and actually understand it if it's being learned to some purpose, or with some interpretive goal in mind. I'm not explaining it very well, probably, but I'm very excited about the progress she's made and the work she's done thus far.

The next few weeks are crazy for me, so there might be radio silence again. I move at the very end of June, and then my students have a performance on August 4th, after which I'll be volunteering at the Family Values Tour for the rugby team. I'm going to New York, and then to Boston, and then I'm starting school. Whee! I won't be teaching this semester, though, which I'm unduly excited about, and I'll be living by myself for the first time.

I've been packing books today, which is a back-breaking process that feels Sisyphean (even though not even half of my books are in my apartment). I don't even want to think about packing my clothes.